The Engagement Ring Verisimilitude
by Boys3allC
Summary: Amy has known about the ring in Sheldon's desk drawer for months .Will she ever have to courage to tell him that she knows? My reaction to the 8/24 the season finale
1. Chapter 1

Amy does not have to pick up her phone to know who is calling her, it is Sheldon for the hundredth time that day. Amy does not want to talk to him, not after the events of last night where he ripped out her heart and stomped on it.

Amy had been filled with so much hope, it was their five year anniversary, she had planned a magical night. Well she was hoping he had planned a magical night after what she had seen in his desk drawer a few months earlier in January.

Amy had not been meaning to snoop, he had asked her to go in his upper right desk drawer and retrieve his lucky dry erase marker for him. He was at the university working late and she had been at Penny's for girls night. She did not mind taking it too him, anything to get him unstuck off this problem that had been consuming him for those last few weeks. When she opened up the desk drawer and saw the small black box she had to tell herself to calm down it was probably just the Lord of the Rings prop he and Leonard had fought over. Then she had made the mistake of opening it and seeing the gorgeous emerald cut diamond ring inside. Amy had replaced it and tried to place it in the exact same spot where he had it before.

For months she had been on tenterhooks waiting for the proposal that was coming, if he had the ring it meant that it was soon right? Only he made no move no indication he was ready to ask her to be his wife. Amy tried to hint to him that she was ready for a bigger commitment that is what the turtle talk had been about. What had started out as her trying to tell him they were ready to move on in their relationship to something bigger. Had ended up with them decided to get a turtle together. A turtle was no ring on her finger but she had still been so happy about it. The way he had taken her hand as he made the announcement to Leonard and Penny was like a tasty treat of what was to some. Amy could imagine what it would be like to stand hand in hand with him as they told their friends they were going to be husband and wife.

Only they had not even ended up with a turtle, somehow what should have been a perfect day ended up with Sheldon wanting to blast off o Mars without her.

"What I want is for us to be planning our future together." She had told him how big of a hint did he need?

Apparently a big one because things went on again unchanged and undiscussed between them. The months marched on and Amy began to think that she had just imagined the ring, that Penny had laced her wine with something and she had been hallucinating it.

Then came the night of the blanket fort, how willing he was , how eager he was for her to stay. This is it she thinks, what more could you want out of a proposal? How sweet a story would that be to tell her friends. That hey had built a fort out of sheets like a couple of kids and under the twinkle of the christmas lights inside he had gotten down on one knee and proposed.

Only he had't, it had been a wonderful night anyways, they stayed up late talking. He had allowed her to sleep curled against his chest cradling her in his arms. They had talked about their first cuddle, Sheldon admitting how much he had secretly liked it. They had kissed, not a full one make out, but he had initiated it. Kissing her lightly on the lips when she turned around to face him and say goodnight. When he had fallen asleep Amy had wriggled out of his arms and looked back into the desk drawer. The ring still there, unmoved from where it had been last, she strokes the velvet box lightly with her forefinger and sighs. Was he ever going to ask her the four little words she so desperately wanted to hear? She snuck back inside the fort and snuggled against his chest again looking up at his beautiful face. Marveling at how it had been almost five years since she had met the man of her dreams. Then he had hit her, in May it would be five years since she walked into that coffee shop and met the man who would change her life.

"That's what he is waiting for!" Amy says out loud and then covers her mouth as Sheldon sleepily says I love you too and rolls over.

So then the fateful day came there five year anniversary Amy was on pins and needles all day. She tried to tell herself not to get her hopes up to high but it was so hard. It had been five years he had to be planning something special. She had bought a new dress for the occasion, pink his favorite color on her even though she liked blue better. Sheldon always seemed to complement her more when she wore pink.

She met him at the restaurant that he had suggested, the same one Raj had taken them too on their second anniversary. Only this time he was an attentive and wonderful boyfriend, asking about her day, laughing at her jokes. Taking her hand over the table and placing a kiss on her ring finger. This is it Amy thinks as he strokes her hand lightly he looks over at her his blue eyes soulful and glowing softly in the candlelight. Amy has to stop herself from yelping yes before the words have left his mouth.

"You changed your hand lotion, I like this scent much better." He tells her smiling and then dropping her hand.

"Yes, it was sweet pea and now it is ocean breeze." Amy says lamely the disappointment ripping through her stomach.

There meal continues pleasantly and when the check comes he swoops it up and pays without hesitation. Maybe she has taught him a few things over the over Amy thinks smiling at him as he tucks his wallet back into his pants.

"Shall we go back to my place for a night cap?" he says winking causing her heart to flutter there was something about a boyish flirtatious Sheldon that got her motor running .

"But Dr. Cooper you don't drink? Do you have yoo-hoo?" Amy says winking back.

"Hmmm, I was thinking of something sweeter than any chocolate beverage," Sheldon says smiling at her and rising from his chair.

"Sweeter than yoo-hoo? It is not possible!" Amy giggles as he pulls her chair out for her and she gets up. Then he leans in close as the walk out the door whispering in her ear.

"Oh, and Amy? Dessert is served."

When they get back to the apartment her stomach is full of butterflies the possibilities for what he has planned are endless. Will tonight be the night that she loses her virginity to the man that she loves? Will tonight be the night she finally gets that little ring on her finger, maybe tonight will be the night for both. Amy sits on the couch as he busies himself with the dimmer switch on the lights turning it down to a romantic setting. Then he sits down beside her not quite in his spot and it is jarring to her to see him sitting almost in the middle of the couch.

"Amy, as you know we have been dating for quite some time." He begins and her heart pounds against her chest this is it she thinks.. "Durning those five years our relationship has evolved from one of the mind to a more physical one than either of us was ever anticipating." Amy tries to mask her surprise it is going in a slightly different direction than she thought but she is still excited. "So I am proposing that, just for tonight we try something we have never done before."

Yes." Amy says breathlessly

"I propose that we kiss, for longer than the relationship agreement approved 13 seconds and that mouths are allowed to be open." He stumbles out looking at her hopefully.

"You mean you want to make out with me?" Amy says a bit shocked, not what she was expecting but still very good.

"Yes, I suppose that is the popular vernacular." He says shaking his head.

"I would love nothing more than to make out with you Sheldon." Amy says wrapping her arms around his neck and tugging him closer. He places his hand on her thigh and leans in wrapping his other arm around her back. Then tentatively he places his mouth on hers, causing her body to erupt in its usual shivers. Then he begins to move his mouth opening his mouth slightly and Amy mirrors him. Then his soft tongue darts in her mouth and massages her own, the sensation his foreign but wonderful. Amy moans agains his mouth and she feels him grip her leg tighter as he explores her mouth further with his own. A moan of pleasure emitting from him as she nips his bottom lip lightly before breaking away. It is all to amazing , even if it is the first in five years the kiss is so wonderful that Amy has to tell him how she feels.

"Can you believe it has been five years since our first date?" she asks him wanting him to say something profound like a'and I have loved you more and more everyday since' or 'I will never be able to repay Raj and Howard enough for bringing you to me.' Instead she gets:

"I know, Do you think I should start watching the Flash?"it feels like old water has been splashed all over her head. How he could be thinking about some super hero TV show with the love of his life's tongue down his throat. Then with sickening realization she thinks this is how it will always be. No matter how fat they come he will never feel about her the way that she feels about him. While her body is burning with desire at his mere touch, he is flippant more worried about men in colorful tights.

The kiss was not what he wanted, it was just to placate her, he had probably discussed it with his friends. How do I keep Amy happy on our anniversary without actually having to do much. Maybe he was thinking about how unsanitary and gross it had been and the Flash was his whole years of her life she had spent patiently waiting for him to be ready for her. It was just now dawning on her that he would never been ready. Even as he moves back in to kiss her again her mind is made up she is done forcing him to love her on her terms. Amy storms out of the apartment after he accuses her of ruining the mood of dare he.

"Don"t you see I am wrestling with a big commitment issue here?" he had the audacity to ask her. The commitment issue being the TV show, not the ring that has been tucked away in his desk for god knows how long. God knows how long it would stay there before he decided he was ready, maybe it was not even meant for her. Maybe it was just another silly movie prop he had tucked away for some asinine reason, even if it sure did look real.

Amy goes home soaks in her tub drinks a glass of wine and cries her eyes out. When she gets into to bed she stares at the photo of Sheldon sitting on Santa's lap and flips it down. Even that can't cheer her up right now.

In the morning she wakes up and does not even bother getting dressed she sits on her couch and watches every single romantic movie she owns until she has gone through two bowes of Kleenex crying her eyes out. Her phone beeps with messages all day long, Sheldon desperately trying to get a hold of her, it is not like h er to keep him waiting this long. Usually she sends him a morning' I love you' text and an afternoon 'Hope your day is going well' text. The radio silence must be killing him she things smugly, good let him sweat it out.

Finally after a whole day of listening to her phone and computer beep she decided to give in. His face pops up on her screen and she is still to upset to enjoy it.

"Amy, I have been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be." No, he is not doing this Amy thinks desperately. He is either going to break up with her or propose to her during a Skype call and neither one are acceptable to her. That is it she thinks she needs sometime to think some time longer than a day to gather her thoughts and really evaluate what this relationship means to her. She she loves him more than anything in the world but is love alone enough to sustain her. Could she spend her while life with a man who may never reciprocate her feelings for him with the same ferocity?.

"Sheldon I have been thinking too, and this is hard to say because I love you…" she begins and after she hangs up with him she collapses in a heap on her couch. Sobs wracking her entire body, god but she loved him. Loved him more than she ever thought possible. Amy thinks of the ring in his drawer and hopes that maybe one day he will love her the same way she loves him and they can be together again.


	2. Chapter 2

**_So the first chapter was just an errant "what if... "Thought I had that kept me up until two in the morning writing. then I got another one about Sheldon and his place in it. Hope you enjoy! I just have so many feelings I have to get them out._**

As Sheldon closes the laptop he feels like he has been punched in the gut. Hurt and fear raced through his brain, of all the things he had been expecting from that call this was the last thing he expected. He had been so relived to see her face after the radio silence he had been put through all day. Shocked by how sad and strained she looked, it had not been that big of a fight, it had barely been a disagreement.

He had been getting ready to tell her that relationships were difficult. That he had seen his parents struggle through one and fail. That he had to watch Leonard and Penny muddle through their ill conceived romance and still try. How he thought they were stronger than either of those two pairs. That even though at times he found being pair bonded with her difficult and tedious he was glad he had her. That he loved her very much, and was happy they had the strength to overcome their difficulties. Apparently he was wrong, Amy was done trying too overcome how difficult being in a relationship with him could be.

They were still a couple weren't they? Amy knew that to officially break up she would have o terminate the relationship agreement. Amy had no mention of the relationship agreement only that she needed space to reevaluate their situation. What did that mean though? How long away did she need, what if she decided that it was best to **terminate** their relationship.

"So Gollum, you are the master of the rings what should I do with this one." He asks his statue as he takes the small velvet box out of his desk drawer.

Sheldon strokes the soft velvet of the box with his thumb and finds the action soothing. The box has been in his desk for months, almost a year. This is the first time he had picked it up since the day he placed it there. The drawer it was in used to contain paychecks saved for when they invented something he desperately wanted. Every single one had been cashed in and used to purchase this ring. When he had finally figured out that the only thing he desperately wanted he already had.

Now he did not have her anymore, he should have given her this ring sooner. It just never seemed like the right time. There were mile markers he had wanted crossed off before he asked her. In his head he pictured Leonard and Penny already married before he asked her. When he had purchased the ring he thought that that date was in the not so distant future. However Leonard and Penny were dragging their feet and had been no closer to setting a date then they had been a year ago when they got engaged. It had started to make him antsy, which is why he had pushed so hard for them to set a date tonight. So he could finally ask Amy when the time was right, but now it seems he had waited too long.

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Sheldon thinks about the day he bought the ring, how he gone to the bank and they had looked at him oddly as he placed the stack of paychecks on the counter and asked them to be cashed.

"Are large bills acceptable sir?" the teller had asked.

"They are all going to be spent in the same place so the denominations in which they are presented hardly matter." Sheldon told the woman.

"Making a big purchase?" The teller asked her round face smiling at him as she counted out the money. Normally he did not care for chit chat but he was nervous and the nerves were loosing his lips.

"Oh yes, I am buying a ring, and I read that an appropriate amount to spend on a ring is eight thousand dollars."

"An engagement ring?" The woman asks and he fought the urge to roll his eyes the statement of the obvious.

"Yes."

"My, what a lucky girl, so when are you going propose?" She asked him handing him an envelope with the money.

"Oh, I have no idea." He told her and took the envelope and walked away heading out the door and down the street to the jewelry store. He walked in and was greeted by a salesperson eager to make a commission.

"Hello, may I help you find something." Hopefully.

"Yes, I am looking for an engagement ring." Sheldon told the man walking towards a display of rings.

"We have a wonderful selection here, What are you looking for exactly? " The man asks stepping behind the counter and pulling out a display of rings.

"A gold ring with a diamond in which to place on my girlfriends finger." Confused by what he meant, he had already told him what he was looking for.

"Well of course what I meant traditional, princess cut, emerald cut, silver, gold, platinum?" The man asked pointing out examples of each.

"I guess, I had't given it that much thought can you show me a few." Sheldon had the salesmen tied up for hours as he looked at the various rings. Nothing to big Amy had small hands he did not want a diamond to overwhelm them. Nothing to small, as he did not want to appear cheap, so he finally settled on a five carat princess cut with a row of six diamonds. The salesmen was relieved when he finally made his selection.

"Would you like to apply for a line of credit?" He asks as he rang up the sale

"Not necessary, I will be paying cash." He said pulling out the envelope from his satchel and counting out the bills.

"Looks like you have been planning this for quite sometime. Saving for years for this day am I right?"

"Not really, I only really decided on it about a month ago. Although I have been saving this money for years, although I must admit it was originally earmarked for robot eyes"

"So you are going to be popping the question soon?" Changing the subject quickly.

"I have no idea when I will, but I want to be prepared for when I do. " Sheldon told the man as he handed him the small paper bag containing the ring. Which he placed in his satchel along with the few remaining bills from the envelope.

When was he going to ask her? He knew when he had decided to ask her. It was on his train trip that he had decided to ask her to marry him. It was not a decision he had come to lightly. He had been thinking about her constant queries as to when they would live together. Her gentle nagging that their relationship move forward somehow.

At first he was furious with her, she knew how hard all this was one him yet she still chose to push him. Why did she insist on these relationship mile markers, wasn't what they had enough? Why did they have to complicate a perfect arrangement with the messiness of a normal relationship. Couldn't they just continue on like they always had, enjoying each other for each others minds,sharing a mutual admiration of their work. Then he thought about something Penny had said to him awhile ago.

"What exactly are you doing?" In regards to his relationship with Amy. Like their relationship was not worth having if he did not move it forward physically. Couldn't they just retain their relationship with out the physical stuff?

No they could't he could see that, they had shared too much he had allowed himself to get too close to her. The chance to go back to the way they had been had been destroyed by him on the train. He would curse himself for altering the paradigm so direly if he had not enjoyed it so greatly. Still enjoyed the way her lips felt against his, the way it made him feel like he was teetering on a ledge. That if he let himself fall he would enjoy it the whole way down.

No there was no turning back the page now. If he was going with book metaphors then there were three logical solutions to his Amy debacle. They could stay on the same page and stare at the same print forever. That was is favorite choice but Amy had made it clear she was not content with that option. He could move forward a page and finish out the story, see what happened next. Or he could close the book, put on the shelf and choose a new story one without Amy in it.

A chapter without Amy in it, he allowed himself to think about it and found the mere thought of it was horrible. Amy was the only person who had ever loved him beside his mother and Memaw. Amy was is anchor in a world of craziness she was his saving grace. Amy was kind, patient, brilliant, funny, and beautiful she was everything that he never knew he wanted. He tried to picture a universe without her in it, where he was back to eating dinners with just Leonard and Penny, without Amy to offset their tediousness.

Where Thursday nights no longer included Amy forcing him on some romantic date. Who was he kidding she was not forcing him to do anything, he loved date nights now. He looked forward to them all week, loved when she cooked for him, loved when they sat together on the couch and she would hold out her hand and he would roll his eyes and grab it. He loved her, it was the first time he allowed himself to admit it. Amy was his everything, the bright spot in his life and imagining his life without her was inconceivable.

So if he you could not turn back the pages, and you did not want to close the book, then the only thing to do was to see how the story ends. He thought about what he said to her in anger about getting married and living out their sunset years together. After picturing his life without her that description did not seem half bad. In fact it seemed like the only conclusion , he loved Amy, and Amy loved him back. When you loved someone and never wanted them out of your life you asked them to marry you.

So after he returned home from his trip and patched things up with Amy about his sudden departure. He made the final decision and went out and bought the ring, not sure about when he would give it to her only knowing that it was the only logical conclusion.

Only now it looked like he would not get to see how the story ended after all. The roles had reversed from a year ago and she has closed the book on him. He had taken too long to make his move and now she was lost to him forever. After all they had been through together their story concluded with him blurting out something stupid to keep himself from falling of the ledge. Then her finally having enough of him holding himself back.

"I reject that conclusion." He says out loud placing the ring box in his pocket and heading out the door.

 **Thank you for the reviews and follows on this story!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So much angst still... but this is how I think Amy is feeling... Listening to Radiohead's song Creep.**

Amy picks herself of the couch and dries off her tears she is being ridiculous this was her decision. A break from Sheldon is what she needs to gather her thoughts think about what she really wants an needs from him. Amy grabs her pen and notepad from her side table and decides to make a list. Amy like lists she had notebooks full of little lists they help her organize her thoughts. This list however may be one of the most important ones she ever makes. On one sheet she writes Pros of being in a relationship with Sheldon and the other side she writes Cons of being in a relationship with Sheldon.

Under the Pro list she quickly writes down three items:

-I love him

-He loves me

-He is the first man I have ever loved

Then she frowns and under the cons list she writes:

-He is the first man I have ever loved

It was both a blessing and a curse that Sheldon is the only man she has ever been loved. On one hand it was thrilling to be with the only person in the world who had ever turned her head. Yet it also made her think about what Bernadette and Penny were always trying to tell her. There were other men out there, plenty of fish in the sea. Yet the thought of starting over again was terrifying, it had taken her twenty seven years to meet Sheldon. What other men realistically were out there for her Stuart? Bert? Would any other man make her heart race like he did, make the world move around her with a simple kiss. Amy did not think so and she did not really want to find out.

So under Pros she rights down:

-makes earth move when we kiss

\- brilliant and accomplished scientist

-extremely well educated

-beautiful eyes

-smells good (like soap, and baby powder, and something distinctly masculine, that I have never been able to duplicate)

If she is just going to list every single thing she loved about him then the list would just go on and on. So She moves back to the con list and writes a few more entries:

-pedantic

-love of comic books

-fixation on super heroes in general

-only wants to kiss on date nights

-I am constantly changing my life to better fit his.

-does not feel same way about me as I do about him

That's the big one isn't it she could write a hundred more things on the pro list and they still would not trump that last item. Amy wanted him to feel just as passionately about her as she did about him. The earth move when her lips touched his? Did his hands itch to hold her, to touch her like hers did for him. Did he lay awake at night burning with desire for her not knowing when or if it would ever subside?No, because when Sheldon burned with desire with for something then his need was slaked immediately.

Sheldon loved her there was no denying that fact, but how did he love her? Did he love her the way she loved him, or was it different. Did he love her in the platonic way you would love a sister or a good friend. Yes he kissed her, they held hands, but he did it because she wanted to. All the physical aspects of the RA and been proposed by her. it was a constant negotiation on her part for more and maybe she was done fighting for them. Sure he had a ring, but what would that change? Maybe he would propose they consummate the marriage and then never have sex again with the exception of procreation if they chose to do so. Feeling defeated Amy puts down her list and heads to her bedroom. Maybe sleep will help her sort out her jumbled feelings.

Amy walked through her bedroom door, her TARDIS bedroom door and sighs. Just one more thing in her life she had completely changed for him. To force him into being closer to her, to eke out some intimacy from a man who only gave her scraps.

Amy looks around her room, his presence was everywhere from the his t-shirt that was folded under her pillow, to the mushroom log sitting on her dresser next to the flipped over picture frame. Amy picks it back up and stares at it smiling through her tears remembering the day he gave it to her. Did even know how much that picture meant to her? She presses the button on the frame and lets his melodious voice wash over her.

"I hope you treasure this as much as I treasure you." He did know how much it meant to her it was right there. He did treasure her, there was no other explanation for that picture if he didn't.

Then it dawns on her, he never asked any of this from her. He did not come in and demand that she change her room into a Doctor Who theme park for him. Sheldon had told her from the beginning what to expect from him. No it had been her who had set the pace for their relationship. The first time she met him five years ago she had told him that all forms of physical contact were off the table.

Arguably that is what had attracted him to her that he could have a relationship with a woman and not worry about all the fears and phobias that held him back. Sheldon had never lied to her, had never promised her more than what he was willing to give. The conversations echo in her mind.

"Are we ever going to be intimate."

"I have not ruled it out."

If anything he had gone out of his way to outline how difficult being in a relationship would be. Had her sign an agreement outlining everything she could expect from him and she had eagerly signed on the dotted line.

If anything she had lied to him constantly. Lied when she told him that she felt nothing when they held hands when her body received a shock bigger then the one she got from Zack. Amy had lied again when she told him that she did not believe in love when she was already falling head over heels for him. She had lied when she signed on that dotted line and told him she was fine having a relationship with no physical aspect when she longed for nothing more than to touch him, to be with him. Sheldon was not the one who had changed, it was she who had.

Thinking about it she realized just how much he had changed in his life to accommodate her into his. Before her in had no interest in romance, he had never been on a date or kissed a girl, he said it himself before her he had no interest in being intimate with anyone. Yet for her he tried his best, Penny said before her he could not even stand for people to touch him. That if someone touched food on his plate he would throw the whole plate had shared food, they shared so much.

Then it hits her what she has to do, it was her who was forcing the intimacy issue all along and it would be her who took it away. For their relationship to work again she would take it off the table. It would be easier to live with nothing at all then to constantly fall off her pedestal. When she thought something was so close was so far out of reach. Then she hears banging on the door, a characteristic set of three, her heart seems to beat in the same set and she gets up to let him in. She should have known he would not be able to last long with out a conclusion.

Amy throws open the door and sees him standing there and she melts almost immediately. He looks like a wreck and he is breathing heavy like he has just ran a marathon.

"Amy, I have been thinking about relationships and how difficult they can be…"

"Sheldon I have too and…" but he presses to fingers to her lips to stop her from talking.

"Please Amy let me finish you know how I feel about closure."

 **So much good to come, ease up on the angst next chapter shall we**?


	4. Chapter 4

Sheldon Cooper was not superstitious, he did not believe in reading signs, he did not believe that the universe left cosmic clues as to ones fate. Sheldon Cooper knew lots about the stars and nothing he had read said the stars had the power to change someone's destiny.

When he left his apartment he was in a hurry, he slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed out the door. The he remembered that he had left his tablet inside, if Amy chose to terminate their agreement than he would need it. When he went to retrieve it he discovered that the door was locked, when he patted his pockets for his keys he discovered them all to be empty. He knew where his keys were they were in the bowl next to the door and lost to him right now. Penny was in Vegas with Leonard so he could not even borrow her set. He was locked out until further notice.

"Let's hope she is not so mad at me that she won't at least drive me home and unlock my door for me." Sheldon sighs as he heads down the four flights of stairs. Thinking how the only other key to get him inside was in Amy's purse.

He boarded the bus taking him to Amy's apartment in Glendale, the bus was quiet this time of night and he was lost in thought. Ruminating on his relationship with Amy, how much it had changed in the five years since he first met her. He had never meant for any of this to happen, had never wanted to met her. What would his life be like I he never had? What if he had stood his ground refused to go to that coffee shop that fateful day?

He tries to picture it but he can't, as much as he had fought it Amy coming into his life when she did had been the best thing to ever happen to him. Life before her had been like living a half life, he worked, he read, he played video games all with the same mechanical enjoyment. His friends used to accuse him of being a robot, not a real boy, and until he met her that was true.

Amy made him feel, she gave him the emotions that he had always thought were lost to him. Sometimes it overwhelmed him the depth of emotion she wrought out of him. Ones he had never felt before and had no scope of comparison to process them with. Love, god how he had wrestled with that one at first trying to give it any other diagnosis other than he was turning into a hippy. That was the only other conclusion however to just how crazy he felt about her, how one little smile from her could make his day, how one little text could light his face up in a smile. Sheldon had probably smiled more with her in those five years then he had the rest of his life previously.

Lust was the other big one, before her he had never lusted after anything. At first he thought she was giving him a heart attack, that the sight of her was triggering some sort of cardiac event. Thrown by how hard his heart pounded when she was near, how all the blood seemed to rush from his head rendering him speechless. Then when he realized where the blood was rushing too he knew it was not a medical emergency.

Yet he had not acted on it, he knew she wanted him too but he held back. It scared him to think about there bodies naked together in the heat of passion. Sheldon could barely stand to see himself naked, it felt so dirty, and he hated things that were dirty. He could not deny that he had thought about it though most recently two nights ago when he had proposed their make out. When she had pressed his lips against his and parted them her breath sweet from the violet gum she liked to chew after dinner. French kissing had always disgusted him, why would you allow someones salvia to invade your mouth. What was enticing about another tongue being placed in your mouth. Yet he knew she wanted to try so he had been willing to give it a go, to put his fears aside for her for their five year anniversary.

After that kiss he knew what was so alluring about the practice, he always enjoyed kissing her but this? The way her mouth fit around his her soft tongue flitting against his. His hand placed on her thigh suddenly itching to go under her skirt to feel her soft skin underneath. How he felt like laying her down and pressing her to the couch so she could feel what she was doing to him. It was erotic and terrifying at the same time. He knew if he did not think of something else anything else there was a very real chance that he would not be able to stop himself. Then she had stopped the kiss and looked up at him with those emerald eyes of hers. Willing him to sweep her off her feet and he had panicked, had blown it.

"Are any one those things me?" she had asked

Of course they were, did she have any idea how much of his mind she occupied? There was not a decision he made where he did not consider her opinion. He might ultimately reject her opinion but he considered it. What did she want him to say, that he was thinking about how much he liked the way her tongue felt in his mouth. How he had to think about the Flash to keep himself in check so he did not pin her down on the couch and have his way with her. It would be there first time and she deserved better than for her virginity to be taken on a couch like a teenager in a basement.

Their first time, he knew the ay was coming and he was preparing for it mentally. He wanted everything to be perfect for her first impressions are everything. He had heard enough tawdry sex talk to know that a woman expected a lot out of a man and he wanted to be able to give it to her. If it were to come back to him that she told the girls that their first time together was just okay, he would be humiliated. Also he would prefer if the engagement ring in his pocket was on her finger beforehand.

He feels the bus come to a stop and looks out the window and realizes that he has missed his stop. That he had been so lost in thought he forgot to get off the bus. Amy's place is about two mile back the other way. Not much but at midnight the task seemed daunting however he leaves the bus and trudges on towards Amy's apartment. The streets are thankfully quiet and the night is clear. Though walking alone at this time of night still makes him nervous and he sings a little song under his breath to distract himself from his nerves, one his mother used to sing to him when he was sad.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away."

Amy was his sunshine and there was a good chance she was being taken away from him. Sheldon thinks about the time Amy asked him to go for a walk and he accused her of only thinking about sex. When really it had been him, the last time they had gone on a walk she had grabbed his hand and he looked down to glare at her and she beamed up at him. She had looked so beautiful staring up at him the light from the streetlight shining through her hair giving her a halo she looked like an angel. It took his breath away and all he had wanted to do was to grab her and kiss her, instead he had said "didn't you get your fill of this at the movies."

How many times had he insulted her, hurt her, just to cover up how he was feeling at the time. Too many times he thinks able to remember every single thing he has ever said to her. Able to perfectly recall every time her face fell in that wounded expression. All she is done is given him happiness and it seems all he has done is given her pain. Maybe he should let her be, he does not deserve to have her, she is a saint and he is fatally flawed.

Amy is young and beautiful, she could find someone else, who would give her all the things she want without a fight. She had caught Stuart's before and… The thought of it fills him with rage, remembering looking through her peephole as he wrapped his arms around his woman. Suddenly an image pops in his head of Stuart over there now. Swooping in and comforting her like the lecherous little weasel that he is. Sitting on her couch in his spot with his arms wrapped around her. Amy looking up at him and Stuart leaning down to kiss her lips. Suddenly he feels like he might vomit, he knows it is not true but he cant shake the image now. It felt so real.

"I am coming Amy." He says out loud as he breaks into run. Sheldon can count on one hand the times he has ran previously. When he had called a bully an ignoramus and been chased through the halls, when he jogged with Penny that one time, when he had stolen the Indiana Jones movie, and now. Sheldon raced through the streets of Glendale his satchel beating uncomfortably against his side his brown shoes slipping against the pavement. Finally he reaches her apartment and gratefully punches up on the elevator. When he reaches her door he presses his ear against it searching for sound and he finds it silent. So he pounds on the door in his set of three his breath still labored from his run. She opens the door, she is still dressed even though it is past midnight and she looks like she has been crying. Sheldon's gut twists knowing he is the source of her tears. Amy stares at him like she can't quite believe that he is here but makes no move to invite him in.

"Amy I have been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be." Sheldon starts desperate to finish the sentence that has been haunting him all night long.

"Sheldon I have too..." she interrupts and he presses his fingers her lips to stop her ,she needs to hear him out.

"Please Amy let me finish you know how I feel about closure."

" I know how abruptly I ended things must have been difficult for you Sheldon. Come in and sit down and lets talk." She says standing to the side and letting him in. Sheldon walks to his spot on the couch and sits down and looks around.

"Stuart isn't here is he?" he asks.

"Why would Stuart be here Sheldon" Amy asks him and he shakes his head.

"No reason, now as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted… twice."

"Sheldon." Amy says annoyed.

"Relationships are difficult, I had to witness my parents marriage implode around me. Cower in the corner as they screamed at each other. I promised myself then I would never alłow myself to to be in that situation. That I would never tie myself to someone who only caused me pain. Then I've have had to watch as Leonard and Penny struggle to make their ill conceived romance work. Had to listen rolling my eyes in to other room as Leonard cried himself to sleep listening to Enya. I never understood how he could let one woman effect him so greatly. I likened him to a junkie who kept going back to his fix even though he knew it was killing him." Sheldon pauses.

"Sheldon what is your point." Amy sighs

"My point is that relationships are difficult, but I like being in one with you." He tells her looking into her eye and she feels her resolve starting to fall away.

"I like being in one with you too Sheldon but…" And he cuts her off again.

"I know how difficult I can be and you have been so understanding and patient. Amy I love you, and I think we are stronger than those two pairs. Please Amy don't give up on me now, I know I can be difficult, that this relationship is difficult, but it is worth the struggle." He says and he looks like he is about to cry and it breaks her heart she can't keep him waiting anymore.

"I agree Sheldon, that is why I have chosen not to take the break. I feel I acted rashly out of wounded pride and after careful consideration I feel like my life needs you in it." She tells him and his stomach does a flip.

"Amy, that makes me .." he feels like she has brought him back to life.

"However I have made another decision about our relationship." Amy pauses like she is thinking really hard about how to proceed.

"And that is…" Sheldon leads.

'I am taking intimacy off the table, it was how we began and I feel that it is the only way we can continue."

"What exactly are you proposing Amy?"

"No hand holding, no hugging, no kissing, I know you never liked any of it and I am not going to force you to do it anymore. I know that you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you. I know you will never want me in the way that I want you."

"You think I don't feel the same way about you? That I don't want you in that way?" Sheldon says quietly.

"I know you love me in your own way and I can get past all of that as long as I am not given any more false hopes" Amy says wanting so bad to grab his hand but she has taken that off the table.

"Amy I want you… in that way."he says gulping and grabbing her hand.

"Sheldon, you don't have to…" she says taking her hand away

"Amy listen please." He says grabbing her hand. "I may not be the best about showing it, and I may have fought it in the past but I want the same things you do."

"You do." Amy says shyly

"Yes, Amy I am a man, I have urges just like any other man. I have been good at suppressing them because I wanted to wait for the right time."

"That's just it Sheldon its been five years! Will there ever be a right time?" Amy says getting up and walking into the kitchen. Sheldon gets up and follows her grabbing her and making her face him.

"Yes, there will be, I have been thinking about the right time for a long time." he says gulping gently stoking her back.

"Sheldon, I wish I could believe you…" Amy starts but his cut off by Sheldon's lips on hers he kisses her has never been kissed like this before and it takes her breath away. Sheldon presses her against the wall and pressing his body flush against hers. When he breaks away from her she stares at him with a starstruck expression on her face.

"That was nice." He says smirking at her.

"Good." She returns and he smiles.

"As I was saying, I have been thinking about the right time for a long time. I always envisioned that day would be after I had made you mine."

"Sheldon I've always been yours." Amy tells him but he sinks to one knee in front of her and grabs her hand.

"I meant mine, completely, when you are wearing this." He says taking the ring out of his pocket and holding it out."

"Yes." Amy blurts out tears streaming from her eyes.

"I didn't ask you yet." He says miffed.

"Go ahead." She breathes.

"Amy Farrah Fowler would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes" she squeals as he slides the ring on her finger. " Sheldon I feel the need to confess something to you. I would not feel right proceeding forward if I didn't."

"I am listening." he says nervously rising up.

"I have known about the ring for a while, since January actually. I didn't mean to find it, you asked me to bring you something from your desk drawer."

"My favorite dry erase marker on January 23rd, when I was stuck on the proton decay problem."

"Yes, well I looked in the wrong drawer and saw this box and I opened it. Just like Pandora I was to curious about what it held. I must confess knowing about it has made me a little crazy these last few months."

"So you have known that I had a ring for you since January?" Sheldon asks his voice emotionless and Amy can't tell if he is mad or not.

"Please don't be mad at me, Sheldon…"

"Mad, I am not mad…" He says getting up and gripping her ring and in his. "It just makes sense now, you must have been expecting with it being our five year anniversary that I was planning on popping the question then."

"Yes, and then you didn't and I felt rejected and my emotions kind of overtook me. I also thought you might be thinking about proposing over the Skype call and I didn't want that either. I didn't want you to ask me just to make me happy, and stop a fight."

"I wasn't going to ask you on the Skype call, I don't know much about women but I know a video chat proposal would be inappropriate. I just wanted to tell you that I loved you and that I wanted to be with you."

"I love you , too."

"Amy is it okay if I stay the night here tonight? I locked my keys inside my apartment in my haste to get to you. "

"Of course, I will make up the couch for you." Amy tells him and he looks into her eyes so intently it makes her feel weak in the knees.

"Actually, I thought we could try sharing the same bed tonight."

 **#itwillonlylastanepisode Thank you for all the reviews and follows!**


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